God has removed our transgressions from us farther than the east is from the west—Psalm 103:12 (King Jimmy Translation).
Attack of the Pink Flamingoes
“The Confession”
(Part three of three)
I knew he did it, but it was something never brought up in conversation. Those involved had tight lips. Your humble Aggie scribe was determined to break the ice.
My buddy, Admiral Bruce, US Navy (ret.) met me for lunch at the Gargantuan Garlic Pastamania, our favorite Italian restaurant. Two week prior, our dear mutual friend, Tom, transitioned into Heaven. We spent most of our two-hour lunch recalling how our shenanigans produced countless stories over our twenty-five-year friendship. Some were true. Some were questionable. But all our stories were exaggerated.
Then came the ice breaker. “You guys did it, didn’t you?” My question caught him off guard. I knew the answer.
His fork, dripping with spaghetti sauce, stopped short of his mouth. Bruce glanced away, avoiding eye contact. “What are you talking about, Jimmy?”
“Oh, come on, Admiral,” I said. “You know. Don’t act innocent.”
“I don’t follow you.” His denial revealed his guilt.
“You know.” I jokingly shook my finger at him. “The night the flaming pink flamingos mysteriously appeared in Tom and Carolyn’s yard,” I said. “The legendary church scandal that refuses to go quietly into the night.”
“Oh, yeah, I heard about that,” the Admiral said. “Wait! You think Mary and I had something to do with that?” He seemed taken aback by my accusation. “You’re the one they blamed.” He grinned with that look of a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar but refusing to admit guilt.
“You never once stood up for me, buddy!” No one believed your humble Aggie scribe’s innocence. “I know you did the flamingo thing to Tom and Carolyn.”
“It was Mary’s idea all along,” he confessed. “Did you know her Bible college classmates called her ‘Typhoid Mary?’ She knew Carolyn would blame you.”
“Oh, yeah! Throw your bride under the bus.” I was unconvinced. “I’ve known your sweet Mary all these years. She’s a sweet, godly lady. Hey—she even plays the piano at church. No way this fine, gentle woman instigated this scandal!”
My Mary comments caused Bruce to lurch forward and spew his tea all over the table, soaking the bread sticks. He nearly choked. I quickly downloaded how to perform the Heimlich maneuver on my iPhone.
But scandals are nothing new to Admiral Bruce.
He served on the USS Dennis J. Buckley, a destroyer whose ship’s motto was experto crede, which means, “trust me”. He was promoted to commander of the destroyer USS Depends, whose ship’s motto was effluat multum de aqua, translated, “leaks a lot of water.”
While patroling the Trinity River south of Dallas, the Depends spotted an enemy submarine, loaded with nuclear missiles. Admiral Bruce launched the depth charges and destroyed the enemy sub. Naval investigators determined the submarine to be a kayak, and the missiles an 18-pack of Bud Light onboard. Pending completion of the investigation and whether the beer was brewed in America, the Admiral could receive the Medal of Honor or given a change-of-address card for Leavenworth, Kansas.
“Notwithstanding,” I continued, “you fanned the fire of my alleged flamingo guilt on social media. Despite your resolute denial of any knowledge of this scandal, which would make a politician proud, I forgive you.” I made him an offer. “Just admit you did it, and I promise to never bring the matter up again.”
How could Bruce reject such a generous offer of forgiveness?
I sweetened the pot. “I won’t write a story about it, either.”
“Just admit I did it? Hummm. Let me think about it.” He called the waiter to the table. “Can you bring another basket of bread sticks? Jimmy sneezed all over these.”
Years ago, a similar offer of forgiveness was presented to me, and I jumped on it with both feet. When my spiritual eyes were opened to who Jesus is, and I understood what he did for me out of love, when he offered his salvation, how could I refuse the deal of a lifetime. He didn’t offer to make me a better man, he made me into a new man. Not only did he take away all my sins, he chose never to remember them again. In God’s memory, those sins charged to my account were transferred over to Jesus’ account, and then he dumped them back onto the devil. That’s a pretty good deal in my eyes.
Remember King David, the greatest king of Israel? He battled depression. The devil hounded him with memories of his past, recalling every detail his monumental screw ups. He hid in caves in the backside of Israel, running from his physical and spiritual enemies. Although he belonged to God, his stupid choices led him to the lowest point in the king’s life.
How did God rattle David out of his poor baby pity parties? David chose to dwell on the offer God made to him. David penned one of the greatest works of praise, Psalm 103, when he remembered all the benefits of serving God. Besides healing, renewing, restoring, cleansing, the one biggie that made him leap out of the cave of depression was “As far as the east is from the west, so far he has removed our sins from us (Psalm 103:12). Enough of that poor baby stuff.
The devil tells the same lies today. You would think he would have learned, but as Christ followers, we can tell Satan to take a hike. Our sins, as ugly as they were, are forever removed from us. We are new creations in Christ Jesus. Now that is an offer no one should refuse.
Lord, we rest in your mercy, knowing our sins are no longer charged to our account. By the Holy Spirit’s power within us, the devil lost his hold on us.
Stay close to Jesus.
Jimmy
P.S. Admiral Bruce noticed a new sailor on his ship. “What’s your name, sailor?”
“Randy, sir,” he replied.
“What’s your last name? We don’t call anyone by their first name here, sailor,” Admiral said. “Breeds too much familiarity between the ranks.” Then he added, “And call me Admiral. Understand?”
“Yes, sir, Admiral. My last name is Darling. I’m Randy Darling.”
The Admiral stood silent, the wheels in his mind turning. “Okay, here’s what I want you to do, Randy . . . .”
Jimmy Eskew © 2017
THANKFUL 
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