May 6
Lord, you reign supreme over all the universe and all creation. Man-made gods cannot hold a candle to your glory—Psalm 97:9 (King Jimmy Translation).
I’d Make a Lousy God
At a red light, I stopped behind a compact car that apparently contained a couple of free spirits. The driver sported wild-looking hair that could have resulted from a close encounter with 110-volt light socket, and the lady’s hair was straight and stringy. One can only speculate what tattoos adorned their bodies. The rear window was lined with stickers of unicorns, rainbows, and flowers. One sticker resembled either a hobbit from Lord of the Rings or a trampled Dallas Cowboys linebacker after a game.
A large bumper sticker was prominently plastered on the back window, which boldly stated, Don’t follow God. Become one.
I thought, That’s a stupid bumper sticker. Who can become a god?
The God sticker caused me to wonder what kind of god I would be. What would I require of my followers? Allow me a Mount Sinai moment as I give my Ten Commandments to those who would follow me, or they will risk the wrath of Jimmy.
- You shall not root for or support or have any dealings with other colleges or universities except Texas A&M.
- All smoothies shall contain at least 50 percent bacon.
3. You shall not be punished for cheating on your golf score. Mulligans are free and unlimited.
4. No man over fifty shall defile his body by wearing a Speedo at anytime, anywhere. Never!
5. You shall never own a dog that has a poodle haircut.
6. All foods, from Jell-O to bun cakes, shall be prepared with salsa, cumin, and jalapeños. No exceptions.
7. Women shall not begin life-changing conversations during the game, no matter how urgent it may seem.
8.You shall not duplicate Donald Trump’s hair in any manner, shape, or comb-over.
9. You shall not waste your words or time attempting to talk logic and reason with people who have more than sixty body-piercings on their face and have “Bernie Sanders rocks” tattoos.
10. You shall not drive under 70 mph in the center or left lanes of the freeway. All hand gestures shown to those who break this commandment will be encouraged and forgiven.
If you can obey these strict commandments, you are worthy to be my follower.
Would forcing people to follow these rules make me a god? Hardly. Adherence to these rules by my devotees would make me a cult leader or make me weirder than I already am. Let’s see how I measure up with some of the One True God’s attributes.
God is eternal. He has no beginning and has no end. He is not limited by time or space.
Wannabe god Jimmy. I have a birthday and I’ll have death-day. The sand in the hour glass is running down on me.
God is omnipresent and omniscient. God is present everywhere at the same time. He has all knowledge and understanding about everything.
In-a-fog-and-always-running-behind god Jimmy. I can be in only one place at a time. This explains why I am always late and why I do not understand women.
God is the Creator of everything. God only had to speak to create the heavens and the earth. When it came to man, however, God took dirt from the ground and formed man in his own image, and then he breathed into man’s his spirit, giving him life.
Unimaginative god Jimmy. With the way I stutter, if I tried to speak things into creation, I’d have 54 planets revolving around five suns. Man would be a stick figure with a default speech impediment.
God is holy. There is no impurity in him, no sin, no moral defilement anywhere in his being. He is perfect in all his ways. Sin cannot be in his presence.
Flawed god Jimmy. I struggle with sin constantly. I’m not immune to temptations and failure. Without divine help, I’m roadkill.
God is pure love. God offers mercy. He loves all people unconditionally. He judges sin but offers forgiveness when we ask him with a sincere heart. After man failed, God offered his only Son Jesus to pay the price for our sin so he could redeem us back to him. Then God lets us spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven. Pretty cool, huh?
Carnal god Jimmy. I’ve got to be honest. Some folks just rub me the wrong way, and I’d be grinning ear-to-ear as I wiped them out. Mercy? Are you kidding? After what they did? And I certainly would not offer one of my precious children to pay the price for these losers’ offenses. Instead, I’d condemn them to Oklahoma.
After reviewing the contrasts between the one true God Almighty and my attempts to be a god, it’s obvious: I’d make a lousy god. I pray those two free spirits in the car sporting that bumper sticker will realize the same truth and come to know the One True God and his Son Jesus.
Thank you, Lord, that you’re the One True God who loves us and made a way to forgive our sins by your Son Jesus. Every time we foolishly replace you as God with gods of our own making, these efforts end in misery. Only you give us meaning and purpose in life.
Stay close to Jesus.
Jimmy
A new commandment.
- Shaving is optional. Not so for women, unless transgendered (refer to commandment IV)
THANKFUL 
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