THANKFUL

 

Be prepared; study God’s word so when your faith is challenged, you will not hesitate how you react —2 Timothy 2:15 (King Jimmy Translation)

“Time Stands Still”

“I just can’t talk to her. I freeze up,” Bryan sat across from my desk. “Every time I see Rhonda, my tongue becomes a square-knot.”

“Really?” I leaned back in my chair. “I’m surprised. You’re our top salesman. I remember you sold a weight-loss program to some humpback whales after watching a Save the Whales video.” Your humble Aggie scribe sensed desperation in Bryan’s voice. “Take it easy, pal. You’re smitten by this hunka-hunka red-headed burning love, aren’t you, boy?” I enjoyed teasing Bryan. “Whatcha need, Romeo?”

“You’re an Aggie, Jimmy. How did you win your wife?”

“Ah, yes. I remember those days well.” Memories of courting Ms. Aggie always bring an ear-to-ear smile. “Simple. It’s how I talked to her.” I leaned forward and motioned him closer. “Here’s my secret,” I said in a hushed tone. “I looked deeply into her beautiful brown eyes and whispered, ‘Ms. Aggie, when I’m with you, your beauty makes time . . . stand . . . still.’” I winked, locked my hands behind my head and leaned back.

“No way.” Bryan seemed skeptical. “That’s it? Just tell her that ‘time-stands-still’ stuff?”

“That’s all, big boy. Ms. Aggie couldn’t resist me after that. This weekend, stand in front of your mirror, practice that line and I guarantee you’ll sweep Rhonda off her feet.”

Bryan muttered the phrase a couple times. “Your beauty makes time stands still.” He visioned Rhonda falling into his arms, captivated by his new-found charm. She’ll be a pushover!

Saturday afternoon, Bryan opened a bottle of Bordeaux, downloaded images of Brad Pitt on his laptop to mimic his sexy poses, stood in front of the mirror and rehearsed his line. “Rhonda, your beauty makes time stand still.” Cupid sprinkled a few raindrops on Bryan’s drought-stricken-romantic confidence. Yeah, I’ll sweep Rhonda off her feet into my arms.

He sat in front of the mirror, celebrated with a second bottle of Bordeaux, downloaded images of Mark Wahlberg, and practiced his line. Cupid turned on the shower. This should be a piece of cake.

He lay on the floor by the mirror, uncorked another bottle, stumbled upon Antonio Banderas in a Home Depot commercial, and muttered the “come-to-Big Bubba Bryan, baby!” pick-up line. He lifted his cup in a toast. Here’s Bordeaux to you, Cupid.

Bryan sprawled across the bed, saw the mirror’s faint reflection in the other room, opened another bottle of Bordeaux, squinted at a figure that resembled George Clooney—or was it Rosemary Clooney?—in a PBS Save the Whales video and slurred something about needing his clock cleaned by his tick-tock princess. He blissfully floated in Cupid’s #2 washtub.

Monday morning dawned. Bryan felt like Guns ‘n Roses used his head as their drum set. Halfway opening one eye, he strained to focus on the littered floor. Where did these eleven empty bottles of Bordeaux come from?

After coffee-ing up at the office, Bryan strategically positioned himself to encounter Rhonda. He didn’t wait long.

Rhonda waltzed down the hall, Starbucks in hand, the epitome of Venus de Milo, except with arms and red hair.

Bryan stepped into the hallway and faked his surprise. “Oh, hi ya, Rhonda.”

“Good morning, Bryan,” she said softly.

The moment Rhonda spoke, all of Bryan’s romantic-confidence nonsense vanished. He froze, gripped with fear. His clammy hands trembled. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead while his knees knocked like a pair of maracas. He swallowed hard, trying to work up the courage to speak.

“Rhonda,” he blurted, spewing coffee out his nose. Oh, great! I can’t believe I did that!

She smiled but remained calm. “Yes, Bryan.” Her soft, sexy voice sent the butterflies in his stomach into warp speed. She moved closer. “Do you need something, . . . Bryan?” This red-headed bombshell enjoyed making him nervous.

Bryan’s heart raced faster than the roadrunner leaving the coyote in the dust. What am I supposed to say? Beauty? Time? He stood frozen, speechless.

“Venus” moved into his personal space. A whiff of her delicate perfume turned Bryan’s butterflies into bumble bees. She curled her lips and looked up into his eyes. “What do you want,” she slowly blinked her hazel eyes, “. , , Bryan?”

This was his now-or-never moment to make his move. “Rhonda, your face could stop a clock!”

She heard his expletives to himself under his breath.

He closed his eyes, clenched his teeth and waited for the fatal blow.

Apparently, Bryan wasn’t as prepared for his “Rhonda encounter” as he thought. His confidence rested in his abilities, but his efforts failed miserably.

As a Christ-follower, I’ve faced trials that challenged my faith. Often, these issues take me unaware. Other times, I get a warning. In all areas of life, job, finances, family situations—whatever—these unwelcomed events disrupt my life, my plans. My tendency is to ask the obvious: why?

My heavenly Father prefers I ask What? What are you showing me? What areas in my life am I keeping from your Lordship? What activities are displeasing to you?

Will I rely on God’s wisdom? Or be impulsive in my reaction: Ready! . . . Fire! . . . Aim!

Am I alone in this?

The Apostle Paul, bound with chains, confined in a dungeon for preaching the gospel, penned an encouraging letter to an up-and-coming young preacher. “Be prepared, Timothy,” he wrote. “Study the Scriptures. Bury these truths within your heart so you will stand firm in the Lord when the devil attacks, since his purpose is to destroy you any way he can.” Paul relied on the Holy Spirit. He knew nothing prepares us better for trials than hiding God’s timeless promises in our hearts.

With our fast-paced lifestyles, juggling work, family and extracurricular activities, making quiet time is a challenge. Those with children shout a big “AMEN” to that. But, here’s another truth: any time spent with God, meditating on his word, is better than no time spent with him. Be prepared for these Ronda encounters.

Lord, as we spend time with you, may we bury the wisdom from your Word in my hearts so our confidence rest in you alone.

Stay close to Jesus.

Jimmy

P.S. Bryan discovered how he blew it with Rhonda. Instead of downloading images of George Clooney, he mistakenly pulled up Jackie Gleason.

Jimmy Eskew © 2017