THANKFUL

This was bound to be the best story ever! The plot thickened with each
sentence.  We wove a tale of intrigue and mystery as the foundations of
the story were laid out. What caused this great destruction? How did such a
sound and healthy entity suddenly and unexpectedly end up completely shattered,
destroyed well before it reached the zenith of its life? What part in this
destruction did the camshaft play? How innocent were the turbochargers in all
this? What role did the push rods play knowing their history of pushing things
to edge? And don’t think for a moment the oil pump was innocent in all this.
What caused this catastrophic failure?

I smiled to myself as I leaned back in my office chair, reviewing my work.
Every player involved created a new twist and turn as the plot unfolded
convincingly while the story’s pinnacle was coming together persuasively. The
title I wanted for this story, “The Day the Crankshaft Died,” might not
be acceptable to Caterpillar so I had to use a more technical title: Service
Report DA37567, Crankshaft Failure in 992G, ADZ1&up, Loader,
3508 Engine.

But to me, every report is a novel, every account a mystery. My goal
was to make this story so convincing that the people at Caterpillar and
corporate would be so captivated they could not put the report down but would
stay up all night, spellbound with the manuscript. I could see my report on
the New York Times Best Sellers List for 63 weeks in a row. Headlines would
declare, “Caterpillar Tech Wins Pulitzer Prize for Outstanding Service Reports.
Amazon.com would have a run on SR DA37567. I imagined myself and
my entourage in a luxury coach touring the country doing service report signing
Barnes & Nobles,  Borders Books and an occasionally Chick-fil-A or
two. Oh
yeah…
I leaned further back, reading every word over and over. It just could not get
any better, by golly! This was the BEST SERVICE REPORT ever written in the
annals of Caterpillar history. I put my hands behind my head, closed my eyes
and leaned further back. “J-J-Jimmy, you are so good,” I thought to
myself.  Suddenly…

POP!!! RIP!!! TEAR!!! SMACK!!! BAM!!! CRASH!!!
THUD!!!

For a nanosecond I thought I
was on a neat ride at Six Flags but then remembered I was in my office. Then
the sudden stop! When I opened my eyes I recalled how I never noticed how many
holes were in the ceiling tiles. People from the other offices came running in.
“J-J-Jimmy,” they said, “You okay? What happened?”
“D-Don’t know what h-happened,” I replied as they helped me up. Looking back we
saw what happened: when I leaned back, the chair broke in half and I landed
flat on my back, hands still behind my head, size 12 feet up in the air still
kicking wildly, looking for footing. It was a pretty hard fall onto the floor.
(My company has not yet installed the plush oriental rugs in my office)
As I was staggering around another technical writer named Solomon came to mind.
He too wrote reports many years ago–“service reports for life.” He was a
pretty smart ole boy, ran a kingdom, ran a business, was a judge, counselor and
probably would have made a good technician if he put his mind to it. One of his
service reports for life stated: “Pride goes before a fall.”* He
didn’t expound on that too much but was just saying be careful of your attitude
because you too are not invincible. The great Christian writer Chuck Swindoll
has a saying about a judgmental person who thinks they are above all others and
such a superior person. He says they are “something on a stick!” We have all
encountered those people and I am sure most will find them annoying. So maybe
my service report wasn’t all that hot after all but I do know it is a little
embarrassing being picked up off the floor by your coworkers. If my service
report does not end up on the New York Times Best Seller List then maybe it
will make it on the gossip page of the Chico, Texas Tribune.
I pray I do not become “something on a stick.” Thankful we have “Service
Reports for Life,” aren’t you?
By the way, the only other damage done besides the broken chair was when my
Aggie clock fell off the wall it began to run clockwise.

*Proverbs 16:18

©Jimmy Eskew